Last Updated on 7th July 2021 by
The cell was quite cool with just a hint of a breeze from the open window, he sat with his head in hands gently rocking back and forward his elbows set tight against the top surface of the old rustic desk. Somewhere on the fringes of his consciousness he heard the voice repeating his name gently over and over again, Mr Wonka, Mr Wonka, Mr Wonka, each time increasing in volume as it resonated on his brain. Slowly he lifted his hand requesting quiet; the voice more reassuring now asked if he was OK – he nodded – feeling more in control of his emotions he lifted his head to gaze at the face behind the voice. “Can you tell us what happened?” asked the voice, “in your own time”
And so it began, “It was the song – can you imagine what it was like dozens of them, every waking minute of every hour of every day over and over and over again – that infernal song the words in the rhyme constantly changing but the droning beat going on and on and on. I cracked it’s as simple as that”
“I had tried everything –locking myself away, ear protectors, turning on radio 2 at full volume in the workshop but nothing could compete with that song. As a last resort I invested in a new front door from Timber Composite Doors one of the Windsor range as soon as it was installed I found some solitude – that 48mm of timber composite core does not just provide thermal insulation it has excellent sound reduction qualities.”
The voice interjected – “So if you found some solitude what made you crack”
Wonka continued “the quiet made it better in many ways, but worse in others – the song was so imprinted on my brain that even though I could actually not hear them singing – I was so conditioned to the song that it was constantly in my head and when I started to make up my own words I knew I was in big trouble. That’s when I cracked – I gave the UL’s -that’s what I call them – their weekly instructions, why, I don’t know they can run the place without me these days , had them stock up my home with all of my favourite chocolates and told them I was taking a few days off. After that I simply sat behind my new securely locked “Windsor” front door and ate and ate chocolate- all was fine until the third day when I started to hallucinate all I could see was UL’s on the walls, running across the floor, looking in the windows and all the time singing – all I could hear was that song, can you possibly understand what that can do to the human brain – I believe I was screaming rather a lot.”
He sighed deeply, regaining control, less agitated he continued –
“Your average UL is a caring sole but not the most intelligent and they knew something was wrong, they tried knocking and calling and texting and facebooking me – I ignored them all – that’s when they got together and had a committee meeting and decided they had to get me out. “
“Is that when you called us, Sir?”
“Pretty much – the UL’s selected their biggest and strongest – who was not very big or very strong and as he tried to break down my new “Windsor” door believe it or not to encourage him in his efforts they sang – that song – louder and louder – that’s when I made the call to yourselves.
Wonka’s head fell back in his hands –
The Voice continued “pretty much a state of carnage when we got there – that UL had pretty much exhausted himself trying to break down your front door, why he did not do as we did and go round the back where you had left a window open is beyond us boys in blue – and another thing Sir why were they videoing the attempted break in”
Wonka raised his head again and wearily continued
“As I said “caring but not the most intelligent of creatures” but all UL’s are born performers they all think they are stars in the making that’s why they were videoing – you should see their collection it would keep your average multiplex going for generations.”
“Will you be pressing charges Sir”
“ No, officer I have a better idea – the solitude of your cells has given me time to think – it must be possible to retrain the UL’s I am going to get that guy Gareth Malone off The Choir to come and re educate the UL’s so they know more than one song. It goes without saying that the UL’s are going to have their wages docked to pay for a new “Windsor” door from Timber Composite Doors, although I have been looking at their “Italia collection” and may opt for one of them as an alternative”
“Bit more pricey, but we also like the look of the Italia collection” said the voice, “and what would you like us to do with the video Sir.”
Wonka thought for a moment – “send it to Timber Composite Doors maybe they can use it as a promotional video to demonstrate the strength of their doors.”
And so exhibit “A” was passed on to Timber Composite Door and of course we did exactly as Wonka suggested – we used it as a promotional video to show the strength of our doors –
Enjoy
Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do I have a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dee If you are wise, you’ll listen to me
Catchy isn’t it
When a customer, mentions that the man on the video reminds him of an Umpa Lumpa… you just know we’d have to have some fun with this! Composite Doors Testing with a smile!
